Do I Want to Trust God?

My favorite question when I was growing up was, “Are you sure?” Every time my mom edited my high school essays, my piano teacher commended my performance, or my teachers said I would do fine on a test, the shaky, insecure question would follow. One summer I even asked my employer if they ‘were sure’ they wanted to give me the raise. Talk about the classic undersell. Embarrassing.

The insecurities attached to this question have been stomped out over the years, but sometimes the remnants of false identities re-surface. They tend to resurface whenever I have to make a major decision in my life or something unexpectedly changes. If I’m not careful in studying the word and praying throughout the day, my mind can be filled with the ‘Are you sures?’ in every language.

Today I was walking through the grocery store fretting while trying to pinch every penny and God hit me with something I wasn’t expecting:

Do you want to trust in me?

I honestly had to think for a minute because I didn’t know the answer. Or maybe I did, but I didn’t want to admit it. I responded sheepishly:

Sometimes I want to trust in myself because I can see the immediate outcomes, even though they are cheap imitations of what you want to give me.

Ouch. God: 1, Jess: 0.

Sometimes I want to trust in my own abilities because I know they will be a quicker fix. It’s like cooking a multi-ingredient casserole in the microwave instead of a slow cooker. You end up with laser beam aftertaste instead of creamy, delightful goodness.

Faith, sound character, and endurance take time to cultivate. The quick fixes of the American society may seem more alluring than God’s timing, but I’m pretty sure the result will be less than fulfilling.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; 
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40:31

Trust God for the fully cooked casserole. Otherwise you’ll end up unfulfilled and with a gross dinner.