The Sticky Side of a Pursuer's Heart [For the Ladies]

I’ve been busting at the seams to write this all morning.  I woke up thinking about what angle I was going to take on pursuit and when I was going to get around to posting it. A laundry list of unanswered emails and unread blogs kept me from writing until now.

I’ve been a pursuer my whole life. I wrote Justin Timberlake an ungodly amount of fan letters and sent him several photos of my fat-faced twelve-year-old self in pursuit of his attention. As I grew up, my pursuits became a little more worthwhile through high marks in school to lead roles in musicals. Community has always been along my heartbeat, so seeking a solid unit of people to do life with has also been a part of every season.

Photo by Shatter Proof Designs

Through God’s grace alone my pursuits and desires have shifted over the years to match up to His – Godly community, seeing His kingdom on earth, and telling people about His sovereignty in my life. Pursuing, seeking, and running towards.

Fine. Perfect, actually. Go through a season, listen to God, follow Him into the next season. Pursue his calling.

Go study abroad in Spain and help with a college ministry. Perfect. Where do I sign?

Break up with your boyfriend and release him to me. Tight fisting and white knuckling this one. Long, drawn out hesitation. Finally release.

Quit your job and travel to 11 countries for my sake. Raise $16,000. Swell. That’s a tough one Lord, but I trust you.

Leave your job and community in Atlanta and move to Nashville. ::Heavy sigh:: Ok. Let’s go. The new pursuit begins!

But as a woman, what do you do when your heart’s interest is perked for a man? How do you calm that pursuer’s heart and wait diligently for their pursuer’s heart to be awakened? The latter part of my Christian journey I’ve walked side by side with God and chased His dreams for my life. With His guidance and direction, I’ve sought out and chased and gone after His best.

But when it comes to men, I desperately want to be sought after by them. And this is where I frankly don’t know what to do with this pursuer’s heart of mine. I don’t want to take their job or nullify their attempts at pursuit. I guess this is where patience and submission comes into play. How does that balance with my longing to seek?

I don’t have a pretty bow or tidy package to end this post, and quite frankly I would love any suggestions you might have for this angle of pursuit.

Any ladies out there struggle with this? 

Pursuit is an Action

pur·suit   [per-soot]

noun

1. The act of pursuing: in pursuit of the fox.

2. An effort to secure or attain; quest: the pursuit of happiness.

3. Any occupation, pastime, or the like, in which a person is engaged regularly or customarily: literary pursuits.

I love this definition – simple and straightforward. No confusing remarks, or complicated phrases; just an honest commentary on the meaning of this word. You see, the word ‘pursuit’ is actually a verb.

Part of the reason I think the art of pursuit is loosing stamina among my generation is because it takes dedication and heartfelt action. We are already so overly connected that we fear if we devote ourselves to yet another human being, it will simply implode us. I’ve found that the opposite is true. It actually energizes us because we are investing good fruit into someone else’s life – a truly selfless deed.

If you are having trouble with your kick starter and need an extra push, here are a few tips for some good ‘ol fashion pursuit:

• 1.     When walking into a large group, seek out the people who are alone. When you are in a setting where you feel comfortable and know a good amount of people, seek out the ones on the outskirts. Stop making every single social setting about you and your close circle of friends! Make an effort to seek out the ones who look uncomfortable and silently begging for someone to notice them. We’ve all been there before. Let’s make their initial group hang out not so terrifying.
• 2.     Upon meeting someone new, repeat his or her name. My mom always taught me to repeat someone’s name at least 3 times within the first meeting and conversation. This will help you avoid the embarrassment of, ‘what’s your name again?’ when you run into them outside of the initial meeting place. It’s a tried and true mnemonic device that just works.
• 3.     Focus on what the person is saying. I get terribly distracted, especially in a large group. Oh, so-and-so got a new haircut; Crap! I forgot to return her sweater; I need to talk to him about the next _____ concert; I haven’t seen her in weeks! This string of thoughts continues until I bring it to a screeching halt. All the while the person I am actually having a conversation with is pouring their heart out and I’ve missed it. Embarrassingly, I have to ask them to repeat it because, like a child, I couldn’t pay attention. Your heartfelt focus will make them feel valued and what they have to say is important.
• 4.     Make plans with a new friend, and follow up! I continually have a running list of people who I ‘need to meet up for coffee,’ but never seem to get around to meeting. They linger on that list, and I miss out on knowing them on a deeper level. A good way to bring this list down to zero is to set a date right then and there, while you’re standing with the person. Pull out your iPhone and see when you are both free. If it falls through it falls through, but at least you are writing their name on a time slot in your life instead of the ambiguous ‘someday’ list in the sky.
• 5.     Make this a normal part of your life. Now, obviously we can’t go around being besties with everyone. We can’t go to everyone’s birthday or have a life full of lunch dates and afternoon teas, but we can be intentional about how we spend our time and who with. In Blake Mycoskie’s book, Start Something That Matters, he suggests to schedule everything, down to your rest and rejuvenation time. This way you are having a balanced life, as well as making the most of your time. I think this can be a bit extreme, but he does have a point. If you make pursuit a normal part of your life, filling your time with meeting and pursuing new friends or colleagues won’t become so cumbersome or overwhelming.

It’s simply about taking the drama and awkward introductions out of the equation. We spend our lives meeting people; wouldn’t it be great if we knew how to confidently and easily make them feel welcome? 

To the One Whose Hope is Deferred

In a gurney stretching...stretching...stretching... with no answer or room for hope. My soul is weak, my body grows tired, and hope is constantly being deferred.

I don't understand Your ways, nor do I comprehend the curves of Your path. I can't trust my feelings, because they only know how to send off panic alarms and anxiety-filled messages.

The world offers no grace for me, no second chances, no do-overs; just a single opportunity. If you miss it, well, shame on you for not trying hard enough or being prepared in an instant. I honestly don't know when another will come by.

But with each break of day I have a growing choice; to listen to the Voice that speaks quieter than the rest of the world, or let anxiety well up and tie me down in an iron suit of worry. If that is the road I take, it will claim every last inch of peace and dignity I possess.

So today, in the midst of trials and impending questions, what will I choose? The iron clamp of worry or the fresh coating of peace? I will tell you once the sun sets, for this decision will dictate the course of the day.

"For the Lord is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he with hold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you."

Psalm 84:11-12

Ode to the Muffin Club

This post is from a couple of weeks back. Apologizes for the wait!

This morning’s blanketed skies and blustery wind served as a stark contrast to last night’s shoulder-to-shoulder warmth. Last night promptly at 7pm a new coffee shop named “Headquarters” opened it’s doors and welcomed the scarf wearing crew of Sylvan Park. I had just been introduced to the wonders of this neighborhood, and was curious to check out its character and charm. Earlier that same day, I came to my friend’s house for her weekly neighborhood tradition, Muffin Fridays, where I first heard about the new coffee house opening. As a lover of tradition and all things sweet, of course I was 100% in for this venture.

That morning, I woke up before the sun and made my way to my friend’s home across town. After hours of baking, glazing, and tasting, our butterscotch rolls were ready for the gaggle of neighborhood women. Steamy cups of coffee and tired smiles met each person as I sat around the table of new friends.

The morning hours lazily droned on as one by one each young woman was sucked into the foreboding chasm called work. A small handful went cheerfully, while most seemed to back out slowly with a cold coffee mug still in hand. Still on the job-hunt myself, I lingered a bit, helped clean up the extra stickiness and helped with a small corner of my friend’s giant puzzle.

The day seemed to float on and night suddenly came like a surprise evening guest. That same gaggle of women from before re-gathered one by one at the opening of the vertically shaped coffee house. Once again, we huddled around warm cups of coffee and discussed the day’s affairs as if eons had gone by since our muffin meeting.

The day was ending just as it began: chatting with new friends while eating sweets and warming our hands with hot mugs. Great way to start a weekend. 

Walking on Gold

This weekend I joined two of my closest Nashville friends for an afternoon hike. The day started with chocolate chip pancakes on my back porch, so obviously a nature walk was the next logical step. We journeyed to the closest lake and walking trail, Radnor Lake (please excuse the poor website presentation. Hey Radnor, need a marketing person?).

We walked, shot photos, told stories, and stood in awe. We journeyed off the trail a bit and landed on a purely Narnian patch of earth. I’m pretty sure if C.S. Lewis new about this particular gem of a location he would have sent Digory and Polly there in The Magician's Nephew. It definitely would have been in one of their magic pools.

We walked up the trail and around a bend in the road to a lone bench. It was a small bench; low to the ground and just big enough for the three of us. We took a moment to sit and look up at the trees. It was about 1 p.m., and the sun was just at the right point in the sky to hit the leaves and produce a golden glow. The ground was covered with soft, delicate leaves, thick enough to look like a hand-made blanket.

We sat silently for a minute and just listened to the rustle of the leaves. Suddenly and slowly at the same time, a gust of wind came through the trees and scattered leaved all around us. All of a sudden it was snowing. Leaf by leaf twirled and prances from the tops of the trees to the ground below. The sun warmed our backs as the trees gifted us with their best bounty.

We put down our phones, quieted our worries, and listened for a moment for God’s gentle whisper.

You are not alone. I keep the storehouses of snow and tell each leaf where to fall (Job 38:22). I brought the glory of this day to you and I will continue to bring my glory to your life. Trust my paths, my ways, and my sovereignty. For now, let the glory of this moment be the grace you need to continue your journey.

God is the author of romance (John 3:16). Listen to his poems and see his beauty in the small moments. 

The Art of Pursuit (This is Not a Post About Romance)

I strongly believe that the art of pursuit has been lost among my generation. We have so many options and so many things grappling for our attention that we naturally assume the world is about us and what we want. So we cater to that craving. We attend the gatherings that are best suited for our schedules, invite the people who get along with us best, and conveniently forget about the people on the outskirts.

They might not ‘gel’ with the group.

I don’t think we’ll have enough food if we invite X, Y, and Z.

If I pursue this business venture, it means I will have to work extra hours.

That’s right, it happens in business too. We start adding up the extra hours to our already packed schedules and decide (before we even try it) that networking with this person will just be too much.

Before we know it, we’re hanging out with the exact same friends, at the same coffee shop, and repeating the same business methods every day. You know what? That gets boring, and kind of lonely (well, lonely for the new girl at work or the young guy with the startup company).

Is this rubbing you the wrong way? I hope so. Over the past several years I have met and cultivated relationships with people from all over the globe, and have noticed a common trend: people are forgetting how to pursue. People are becoming more introspective and hiding behind their cheesy photos of a lone coffee mug on Instagram. To this I say, “Shame on Us.” 

Why are young girls running to schmuckey guys at the bars and men running to the next adult video store? Because there is an underlying theme of rejection and we are helping encourage that lie. I firmly believe if we took a few extra minutes a day and searched out the people who seem friendless, alone, and not a ‘part of the group,’ we would see a large generational shift in terms of acceptance. There would be less people drowning their sorrows in wine [alone] on a Saturday night and more people getting to know someone of a different background or upbringing. 

Over the next couple of week I will be writing a mini-series on the Art of Pursuit. Giving tips, sharing success stories, and helping our generation see the importance of pursuing people – in all forms: through friendship, romantically, and professionally. 

What do you think? Does this interest you in the least bit? Do you agree or disagree with me?