I Want a Moist and Yellow Man

According to MadLibs, my dream man is someone who is moist and yellow, has a physique like Angelina Jolie, and whispers cute nothings in my left toenail. Listening to my brother barely breath out the finished MadLib, (because he was laughing so hard) I began to think.

Is this why I’m 25 and still single? Given the shortage of moist/yellow men with a body like a female actress, maybe I should lower my standards a little. This silly game brought up a world of thoughts on the issue, so I set my fingers-a-typing.

Since the holidays have passed, I’m sure all single people in their twenties are reflecting on the myriad of questions from grandmas, distant relatives, and old friends concerning their romantic lives. I’m sure each one of you found yourself in a scenario something like this:

Old Grandma at the family Christmas dinner: So, are you dating anyone?

Single Twenty Something: No, no I’m not.

Awkward silence. Despair and shame comes across the face of Old Grandma at the family Christmas dinner.

Old Grandma at Family Christmas dinner: (with nose turned up) Oh, well. Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time at that job of yours or at the gym, you’d have time to date.

Single Twenty Something: Well, actually, I meet a lot of guys through work and the gym. They are all either married, or still single for a reason, if you catch my drift.

Old Grandma at Family Christmas dinner: Maybe you’re just too picky.

Single Twenty Something: ::Sign::

Don’t you just love defending yourself in that way? Like, there obviously is some reason why you’re single, and there’s obviously a quick fix to the situation. If ONLY there were moist and yellow men in this world!!

Well, to all of the grandmas still living in the 21^st century, I am here to tell you that sometimes there isn’t a glaring reason at this very moment as to why all of the twenty something singles are in fact, still single. It’s not because of my job, or living situation, or appearance, or lack of mini-skirt collection (I actually have a few and those don’t even work nowadays). It’s just because I am.

I used to be the person who could give the best advice on how to ‘not be single’ until I became single for almost 4 years. (I know, I know, you can silence the gasps. I’m over it, so we should all be over it). I would say, “Go out more!” And, “Don’t be such a hermit!” Or, “Don’t be so closed off.” And my personal favorite, “Well, maybe if you let the guy know you were interested, he would pay more attention to you.”

And unfortunately, speaking from experience, none of those options have worked for me. I go out, I am interested and engaging in conversation, I am open and available to new possibilities and have literally met more people in my small lifetime than I can possibly remember. (Traveling the world before you turn 25 helps). But guess what Grandmas? I am still single. A lot of us are still single. And I refuse to believe that a little more lip pump and city style will automatically bring that Prince Charming dashing into our lives.

After living this life and trying to ‘meet someone’ or ‘be available’ to some mystery man, I am handing off the reigns. I’ve realized (AGAIN) that I am not in control of my own life, God is. And as much as I always hated saying this phrase, I have come to realize that God has a plan, and that nothing is a surprise to Him. He is not shocked to find out that Johnny Hair Swoop isn’t interested in you, or that this singles group is not supplying the men or women of caliber that you expected. He has crafted a master plan, and is working on the intimate details as we speak. Trust in Him, and your paths will be straight. There is a reason that is in Proverbs, the books that contain the most wisdom in the Bible.

My plan hasn’t worked, so what else do I have?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6